This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
