my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
