how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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