Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
