Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize