dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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