my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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