I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im part way to drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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