haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
