Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
