ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
