The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
