just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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