So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
