I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
