New invention idea: vibrating tampons
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize