everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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