**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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