Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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