What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
