he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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