I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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