Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize