Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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