I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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