Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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