I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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