Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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