mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and she was petting her beer can
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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