You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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