Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
