Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
