everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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