remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
