My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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