Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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