just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
