I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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