True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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