He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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