Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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