he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
