all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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