shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
