I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
