so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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