I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
