sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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