Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
