dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
