Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
