stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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