Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
