____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
