My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
