Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
