Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
