the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
