This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
