I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
