if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
