Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
