He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
