Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
